Through the years the woman looking back
At me from my mirror has been so changeable
As to be unrecognisable from time-to-time
By those nearest and dearest, and even by
me
The early years, before my twenties, are
blurry
But I was in the fashion business so I have
A photographic record and can look at it
And say, oh – so that’s who I was back then
After I married, I would often look in the
mirror
And depending on the day, say to the woman
I found there – you are the luckiest girl
alive, or,
What have you done? Where can you run?
There were times when I would stumble into
My bathroom afraid to turn on the light,
frightened
To confront the crone I knew was awaiting
me
In the mirror there, especially if she had
been there long
Often-times, I would glimpse her
accidentally
And she would rail at me to end it all and
I would
Let her, listening intently, then crawling
away
To whatever hidey-hole I’d fashioned for a
time
The crone would never leave me willingly,
on her
Own – I would have to run away, most often
to
A hospital, away from mirrors, for a time,
to oust
Her from my house – then, when I saw a
semblance
Of myself reflected back – I knew I could
return
To family, to sanity – to try again, and I
would
Reinvent the woman I thought I should be
Becoming wife,
mother, trying always to stay sane
After many, many
years – I found the mirror less
Intimidating and
the crone appeared infrequently
Or maybe I
became used to her and familiarity gave
Me a certain
advantage – I knew I could beat her
Or even learn to
live with her and so I did
Now she and I
are one – we try to live together
In a kind of
truce, with a sort of wisdom
I know she can
take me down if she puts her mind to it
She knows I am
stronger than I used to be
And don’t go to
ground nearly as quickly
Or without
putting up a fight, as I did in the
Good old days
—we are making it work somehow
There is an old
adage about living your life
In such a way so
that you can face yourself,
Look at yourself
in a mirror — I get that now
I'm finally able
to do it, at least today I can.
S.E.Ingraham©
