No one would think just by looking at you
That your health was anything but robust
That deep within the marrow of your bones
Blooming like some secret hideous flower
A cancer grew unchecked
Perhaps it was your hard-fought and won battle
With this disease that so colours all the rest ...
We were almost packed and ready for a long over-due
holiday
When I heard the clatter down in the kitchen
I was upstairs in the bedroom and went running
To find you sprawled—your coffee mug smashed
On the floor beside you
I remember thinking first how your hipbones were jutting
Through the denim of your jeans, how you could still
stand
To gain a few pounds— before noticing your hand
Curled claw-like on your chest
And the stillness there
Both hand and chest, motionless.
A massive heart-attack they said
You never knew what hit you...
That made two of us
Today I stand at the window
Gazing through grief's curtain
Wondering what to do next
The snow is almost gone
Down by your garden shed
And crocuses are starting to poke up.
S.E.Ingraham©
Ooooh this is so vivid - I think my own heart stopped - "you never knew what hit you...That made two of us" Quite wonderful ! :)
ReplyDeleteWow, this is intense, and the way you wrote it made my heart beat a little faster each line. I assume this to be true; and if so, it must have been very, very hard. And STILL be. It shows again that we never know how many days we have on this earth, and we just have to keep enjoying each one as best we can!
ReplyDeleteMy heart flipped too. What a shock. What a blessing that he didn't know what hit him, but, what a shock for you. It takes such a long time to accept and come to terms with any loss of a loved one. You have a long way to travel but, you will slowly begin to find your way again, in time.
ReplyDeleteSharon, this is gripping. It pulled me into it. The last stanza is a great expression of continuation.
ReplyDeleteOy! You have managed so many different emotional pulls. This poem has quite an effect. There is so much to like about how the grief is drawn, so much to identify with and know. The lines that will stay with me a while are:
ReplyDeletebefore noticing your hand
Curled claw-like on your chest
And the stillness there
Both hand and chest, motionless.
Thank you for this.
Your poem is powerful and shocking in it's details. I agree with Brenda: Your last stanza conveys continuation, and hope.
ReplyDeleteFor you, I hope this is a fiction or--as it seems to me--long enough ago. You've done a good job with that hyper-concentration of shock. The "that made two of us" little aside brings it all home.
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally forgot the wordle.
Thank you all for your wonderful words about this wordle - let me hasten to reassure everyone, this is a complete work of fiction; a "what if" scenario that resulted from the words themselves going somewhere I really didn't want to go ... as I often say, the muse wants what the muse wants ... thanks again for stopping by and for commenting
ReplyDeleteYour work of fiction...is the reality minus the cancer for two of our families' loved ones. Just doing ordinary things - and then...
ReplyDeleteThanks for letting us know it was a work of fiction - the charged words had emotions ready to reach right through the computer and offer hugs! Nicely wordled!
You put such truth and life into your fiction. An intriguing portrayal; expressive imagery and emotion. Thanks for the sad beauty of this, Sharon!
ReplyDeleteI never read other wordles before I write...and it amazes me how many different directions the words take us -- but also how similar they can be.
ReplyDeleteLoved the stanza that ended with "that makes two of us" - so well captured.
Sharon, this is so realistic. As I read it, some memories came to mind. We lost a dear friend just a year and a half ago, and this could have been about him. Well done.
ReplyDeletePamela
Incredibly powerful!
ReplyDeleteYou have captured the reality of loss.
ReplyDeleteI like Barbara's expression, "hyper-concentration of shock" of the dramatic scene you paint, and the line about the crocus poking is most powerful.
ReplyDeletethis tugs my heart honestly...cancer has touched my family at several points...you captured very well the emotions of the situation
ReplyDeleteloved it all the way through, the ending says so much.
ReplyDeleteSharon, you painted a perfect picture, and it broke my heart. Hope this was not true to life, but if it was, God bless you, babe. What an awful experience, and I didn't notice the Wordle words - I saw only the scene... Amy
ReplyDeletehttp://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/05/21/always-and-forever-ironweed-dammit/
Sharon - I wrote wonderful comment on this wonderful entry you wrote, and then my broadband connection decided to break, and lost it. I said that I had hoped to read some cheerful entries, because mine was so depressing, and wouldn't you know the first I would read is yours! :lol:
ReplyDeleteIn any event, it is beautiful and well done. I love your "Crocus" line - such a perfect ending.
Here's mine: http://paulatohlinecalhoun1951.wordpress.com/2012/05/22/wordle-57-muse-day-tuesday/
Thanks to those of you who came after my last comments replying to comments made up until then ... just to reiterate, this poem is a work of fiction, thank heavens and knock on wood - as the novelist Jodi Picoult is fond of saying, I figure if I write about it, that might keep it from happening ... silly superstition I know but there you have it ... in any case, thanks for dropping by and for making insightful remarks - it really does mean a lot.
ReplyDeleteSo finely captured, it rings true and tense. Brava!
ReplyDeleteReading this has had a profound effect on me. It could have been a description of my mother's death. It wasn't cancer, but so much else could go unchanged. And, strangely enough, my brother's first wife. So it conjured up this kind of binocular vision,mediated through the beauty of your words. Thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteVery powerful. I love "Gazing through grief's curtain"; such a great image. It's so true how robust one can appear, and yet how close to death.
ReplyDeleteRichard
Thanks Tumble words, Dave and Mr Walker - I appreciate what you had to say about this bit of narrative and fortunately wholly fictional poem. Dave, I'm glad if it was in some way comforting for you. Thanks again all for stopping by.
ReplyDeleteSharon I.