How Could I Have Known
Everyone said the memorial was lovely
Your eulogy poignant and moving; it brought
You alive in new ways and made us more
Your people than they had expected us to be
They didn’t actually say that but there was
Such a change from when they came in
Until after the service, I knew I’d found
The key and relaxed – I was getting to know
Who you were and in the knowing finding peace
But with the peace came a friendship we hadn’t
Counted on, your best friend brought his
Heart to us, and he was so raw, so very raw
I ache for him still and will for a long time
There was something so unexpectedly vulnerable
About this man who led me to one of your places
A favourite haunt, so I could scatter your ashes
In a place you loved; a creek that was fully frozen
Except for this one spot where it lay open, and ran free
For a few yards – it was perfect – how could I have
Known that when I held the bag of your ashes
In my arms, I would be so reluctant to put you down
Put you down ... irony of ironies – something I had
Been so afraid of finding, that you were put down
When, in fact, you had made a life, were quite a guy
Was that why I clung to the last vestige of you
As I sobbed out my sorrow at your death and my regret
At not knowing you, finally kneeling to spill you down the creek
Watching as you mixed with the water you so loved
That would, as your friend told me, join the river
Nearby and ultimately, take you to the sea
The place we both knew, you could finally rest
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